the journal

12:16AM

I'm keeping this journal open b/c I might continue to post in it every so often, but more frequent updates are at my new one - aquagreen.

3:26PM

I also have a greatestjournal - here. as you can see, I haven't done much to it so far. But i'm excited about all the options I can get that I can't get on the free account here. but I dunno... Do I need it? Oh well, maybe I'll jsut prettify it.

2:21PM

I update my other journal a lot more.
aquagreen
aquagreen
aquagreen
Some are friends only, so leave a comment here if you want me to friend you there too. It talks a lot more about my university life too. I thought of making it friends only, but then I'm undecided. We'll see.

Been having an overall shitty time. Or week at least. I do not forsee it getting better, maybe only worse. So ya.

Current mood: sad

9:32PM

All I can say is that the trip caused me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight (which I know I'll gain back in like two days), get extremely stressed, overemotional, exhausted, fretful and caused a lot of uneeded interpersonal relationship fiascos.

All in all i can say that it sucked/ And now I know when my parents get home, I'm in soooo much shit. WONDERFUL.

Current mood: depressed

1:01PM

Even though there are technically 24 hours in a day, why does it seem like there aren't enough hours? I feel often rushed. I never get to do everything I want to without feeling exhausted. which by all means should be good so I just fall into a peaceful slumber at night.

It's be FREEZING. Yesturday there was so much snow falling you couldn't see a foot infront of you. The wind was so intense.

Still in love with him. Saw a picture he sent me with himself in the corner and my just about melted.

I just downloaded Never Going to Fall In Love Again by Snow Patrol and it's beat is quite catchy.

I have nothing of value to say. I'm just doing a portrait drawing of the picture above. I haven't done them in so long, I figured I'd try to give it a shot. Hopefully I don't mutilate him. Oy.

There are so many movies I want to see...

Current mood: chipper

11:43PM

I'm so exhausted right now. I try not to sleep in because it ends up screwing up my sleep cycles which gets really annoying since I have classes some days at 9 and it makes it hard enough to get up as is (I'm really NOT a morning person).

I was up until 4 this morning because the people beside us (with whom we share a bathroom with) were having sex. It just kept waking me up and I've been sick recently - probably just stress and whatnot, so no big deal, but when I'm trying to get rest on the weekend... ya... It's just frustrating because it was four in the fricking morning. Sometimes I stay up that late or pull all nighters, but usually I'm out or trying to be quiet.

Oh well, whatever. I move into another place next year! YAY!

Things with the boy are getting better I think. I kind of hope. I decided to let the entire what is our relationship thinking go. I realized that was what was constantly making us fight and I missed the friend and how we were before. He was someone I could always talk to about anything and we just had a lot of fun. He was a stress reliever for me and I missed having him to talk to. So I've decided to keep it simple. Just let things work out and see where it goes. Obviously I still have deep feelings for him, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's doubtful we'll ever spend longer than 2-3 months in the same city with each other for at least 4 years. So why make it really complicated.

I've been food bingeing. It's really bad. I don't know why either.

Current mood: tired

3:24PM

Wow. Hands down this has been the shittiest New Year I'm experiencing to date. Especially the last couple of days. Arguments with so many people, nothing working out right, so much stuff I need to get done, school, I'm getting sick and CRAMPS. And I have to make a huge effort to be pleasant as much as possible because I really can't take it out on the people on my floor.

I just want to scream! But there's no privacy. The one downside to residence. Our room smells funny right now.

Sleep. Painkillers. Chocolate. I have no idea what will make this all better, but I hope it happens soon. Like really soon.

Bleh.

Current mood: crappy

6:06PM - new change

Changed the look of the journal, thought it was about time. Changed the icon too. Hope the colours work well for everyone.

I'm kind of in denial-mode. Everything that's causing me the slight amount of grief is getting conveniently forgotten momentarily (psychologically unhealthy though). Then again, I've been doing jack shit in terms of work, but hopefully it won't last long. If I can't fix it, I'm going to ignore it.

I'm using Corel Photo-Paint 11. It's kind of frustrating for some things, but I'm getting the hang of it. I still prefer Photoshop, but that could just be because I was so familiar with it.

Current mood: blank

12:30PM

Wow, my parents need to piss off.

I almost feel bad about replying to their condescending email with a slightly bitchy one, but then I don't. I got the feeling out and since they refuse and have refused to listen to me for the past three years of my life, all the shit is hitting the fan. Maybe one day, they'll realize I am growing up and that I'm entitled to my own decisions, my own mistakes and my own pitfalls.

But the e-mail is going to PISS THEM OFF. they're going to attribute it to my attitude problem. While I do have one, the e-mail was just me being really annoyed, hurt and frustrated because they say the trust me, believe in me and have faith in me and yet try to control every single aspect of my life. The fact that they use my tuition money and finances to dangle over me to keep me in line really isn't helping matters out. But I don't have enough money to pay for it all myself at the moment, therefore - I do what I have to.

My dream is that when I'm all grown up and have my own super nifty job, I'm going to pay them back every single penny for my education. I hate it when people try to manipulate me and control me. Everything in my life I've done to please them, whether that person was really me or not. What happens is as I've grown up, I've noticed I don't even know who I am. So while I'm finding myself, they don't like the fact I don't fit that "person" anymore, the person they thought is me. So it's all messed up and I want to prove to them all that I can do this.

Oh, I'm in for a really fun nite/conversation. It's going to be GREAT.

They also shot my mood down the drain.

Current mood: bitchy

12:09PM

The weirdest things I come across...

A girl died in 1933 by a homicidal murderer. He buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murdered chanted, "Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

Anyway, ya, I want my marks for the first semester, so I can stuff myself silly with a small container of ice cream to make it all better. Saw The Notebook yesturday for the first time and I must still be reeling from the Christmas vacation reprecussions because damn, I DID NOT SHED ONE TEAR. I wasn't even close. Sniffles surrounded me and I leaned over to my friend to ask why everyone was crying and I notice wet trails and sniffles so I abruptly stopped. It was peculiar to say the least. Usually I'm the one who lets a tear slip during an emotional television episode.

When I look back, I realize I've really grown in the past 4-5 months. It astounds me. Maybe I was ready for it though.

I'm thinking of writing an original story. I'm nomt that great of a writer by no means, but I think it would do me some good to write some things down. Get ideas out. Perphaps it will even create another muse.

Current mood: depressed

12:21AM

I feel like shit right now.

and when the @*$& will the !(#$*&# people post the $^&*@#(! marks that they were suppose to two days ago?!?!?

Current mood: depressed

12:38AM

Hmmm... I've been exhausted, because I really didn't catch up on any sleep over the holiday, especially towards the end. Classes started the morning I got back, so today I was absolutely done in. I fell asleep around 8:30pm and woke up later and because of the two hour nap, I'm up and at 'er. It's horrible I have eary morning class tomorrow so I'm just feeding the cycle.

Damn nap.

It feels like I never left, but I dunno, I love it more here. I miss home obviously, and I think I want to move back there some point in my life, hopefully after school becaue damn, I love it to death. But one can never tell.

Anyway, pointless post.

Current mood: blah

7:03PM

I leave tomorrow morning to go back to school. Wow, my holiday went by so fast - as a matter of fact, this year is going by extremely fast. I definitely grew a lot as a person, even though it was nothing amazing, I know I'm not as angry as I use to be, so I consider that a great stride in the right direction.

I sometimes think about how I would have liked our last 'meeting' to have gone, but then I have to bring myself back to reality and realize things went how they did and they did for a reason. Things change and if I can't laugh at my own life, then it's going to SUCK.

Saw Garden State yesturday. Absolutely adored it. Loved the soundtrack too. I think Natalie Portman was absolutely stellar in it and hello Zach. Heheh. I can't believe he wrote, directed and starred in it! It blew my mind.

I got a graphics program, so I might open a personal site up again. We'll see how it goes once I get back to res.

Current mood: sad

6:29PM

Got my tooth filled today. First they didn't put enough anesthetic (sp?) in so as they were drilling away, it began to burn so they injected a lot more. Sufficed to say, while I felt no discomfort for the rest of the procedure, the right side of my mouth stayed frozen for about 3 hours. Eating the hamburger got extremely frustrating.

We met in the parkade for about 10 minutes. I didn't say any of the things I wanted to. But maybe it's better this way. I'll probably be back in February anyway, so maybe we'll see how things go and now that it isn't holiday season and there are few universities with the same reading week, I'll be able to see him more. Unless he goes away for university... But you know, everything will happen that's suppose to, no matter what decisions I make. So yah.

New Year's soon! YAY!

Current mood: sad

9:42PM

You know what's kind of sad?

That I knew my friend wouldn't pick up the call if I used my cell phone (ah, the joys of caller ID and personalized ringtones) so I used my house phone - just to ensure he'd pick up. It's depressing. It's extremely sad.

I was invited to join them. I didn't. Although the fact that it's already ten and therefore means we wouldn't meet until around midnight kind of has me irked because we'd be standing around OUT-fricking-SIDE the entire time...

And last time I checked, I left my parka (well it's not even a parka, but my warm winter jacket) back in my dorm room. Fancy that, eh?

Wow. I suck.

Current mood: sad

6:52PM

Got a lot of good stuff for Christmas, clothing, books and we replaced the third car, so I got a brand new one! Wheee! I think I had an overexposure to family.

Actually, it's a little more complicated than that, it isn't the family persay, it's that when I went away to university, I changed a bit. Nothing fundamental, but I started to grow outside of the girl I was at home. I spent pretty much all of my life with the same friends in the same school, so I was getting boxed in. More than anything I wanted to get out and "make myself better" blah blah cliche insert here.

Then I came home for Christmas, and while I'm that changed person, a lot of the old things sort of bring back the old personality - which brings about a lot of extra shit.

I wasn't ready to come home. I love my home, I miss the mountains,the weather, the familiarty of the city and I miss my boy (I saw him finally after six months!) and my friends/family, but to sound more cliche, I didn't like that person very much. And if I can't stand up to that image of myself, if I can't stop myself from reverting back, then I'm back at square one.

Like most people my age, I'm very confused in life. I have no idea what I want to do. While I tell everyone I went to university for school, I went to university so I could become the person I should be. So hah! My brain never stops thinking.

I go back in 5 days anyway. Blah.

More useless shit I wrote about - ( Read more... )

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas/Holiday!

New Year's coming, what's your resolution?
mine: move on from high school

Current mood: sad

12:03PM

Do I have anything exciting to say?
No

Well... It is Christmas in a few days therefore I'm suppose to be excited. It doesn't feel like Christmas, it feels like I'm suspended in this little freeze frame which will start again when I get back to university. Depressingly, I'm almost grateful. Then I can continue to forget all about the immature drama at home and procrastinate "fixing" the friendship. Nobody wants it to be fixed except for me.

Damn it, I need to finish making some of my christmas gifts, but I'm uninspired and hardly want to take a trip down memory lane - facing the very thing I'm avoiding like the plague.

Fancy Christmas-time drama, eh?

Current mood: sad

12:05AM

I'm going to be completely girly... 100% Color (or colour? cripes I can't remember if they spell it british or american) by Garnier FUCKED up my hair. Yes, I swore to really nail my frustration home.

I swear it's because my friend got pissed at me for dying my hair again. He keeps saying: "why not keep it natural? why won't you just for once let it grow out!" (I dye my hair different shades of med/dark brown and my natural colour is a dark brown/black). Maybe for once I should have listened to him?

Anyway, everything was going ok, but I noticed that when I was washing the dye out and putting the conditionner in, it felt weird. I get out and blow dry it and it's rich in colour and shiny as they advertise, but um... My hair - once often stroked for it's softness - is like frickin' STRAW. It sickens me. It's smooth, but isn't soft and it's dry. It's like the dye fried my poor hair.

So I'm going to try to go home this weekend, give it either a hot oil treatment, switch shampoo/conditionner and try to fix this stupid mess.

It pissed me off. It feels so... GROSS. Karma..

PRODUCT REVIEW
100% Color by Garnier

The Good
The shade turned out about right (I chose Deep Brown) - and I have heavily dyed and naturally dark hair. So that's a plus. It was comparable/easy to do as most of the other self-dye kits so I thought that was a positive. The gel, compared to a liquid was kind of nifty, even though I did drip all over my residence room floor... er... Lots of conditionner included, even though I had to use it ALL on my first wash in an attempt to save my poor hair.

The Bad
My hair feels like it has product build up in it, even in the frickin' shower and that is disgusting. I actually think it fried my hair and no other dye - Feria included - has done that to me before. I personally think the colour is very flat - this could maybe be a byproduct of its "intense" colour. No added highlights that I can see, if it weren't for the highlights I already had, I'd be wearing a bunch of coloured straw on my head. Connected to the frying of my hair, it isn't shiny - at least not a tenth of how shiny it was BEFORE the dye job.

And afterwards usually you're left with super silky smooth hair - um ya, I had course, straw, dry hair.

Skimped on the amount of dye. I noticed this as I had finished the bottle incredibly fast and thankfully don't have thicker or longer (mine comes to about shoulder) hair.

Even though I said the colour was about right, it did change a little, but I'm attributing this to the fact that my hair was already dyed. It has a weird undertone colour, like a deep deep dark magenta. Kind of a turn off, but meh, not blaming it on the product itself...

Overall
Hated it. Wouldn't buy it again, I'd rather go with a semi-permanent and have all the colour wash out for a quick fix because staying with this, is definitely not making me happy. The fact that it did pretty much fry my hair has be incredibly upset and refuse to "fix" it with another dye, because that's even more chemicals and if my hair is fried, I'll probably end up with no hair.

I'm sticking probably to Nice n' Easy from now on.

The Rating
2/10

Current mood: angry

8:42PM

I found mass amounts of joy from this as I play it on my computer. I didn't leave the residence once today, the closest thing to fresh I got was downstairs after exercising, I opened the windows to cool down. Pathetic yes, but understandable - of course. I even ordered in pizza for dinner. Lazy day, I get to go home in four days and I'm uber excited.

One exam left and I keep procrastinating (studying).

After I get home, I have to rush to get Chrismtas presents for all of my friends. It makes me incredibly broke. But I decided not to get a job this year so my funds are extremely cutting low. Maybe next year I'll get that part time job to help for spending money. I only hope that clear glass ornaments sell for cheap, if not, I'd settle for plastic. Honestly.

I spend too much of my nonexistant funds, going home at Christmas and going out all the time is going to spread me thin. It has me kind of worried. But I suppose I shouldn't stress about it now and I'll cross those bridges as I come to them - there's nothing I can do about it being a 4 hour plane ride away from home.

Current mood: anxious

1:09PM

Uh... I was wondering if anyone could help me...


Currenly I'm on birthcontrol, and I thought I had it planned properly, but apparently not. I was wondering if anyone knew the answer to this or could reassure me if I am correct - if I double up (I don't have a period, I immediately take the next round of pills), the pill won't be any less effective will it?

I figured that since it's still pumping the same hormones into me, it would just work the same as if I had had my previous menstrual cycle. I'm only wondering as if I needed to use a backup method of contraception were I to uh... meet up with my uh... friend when I get back home... *cough*

I just want to make sure I'm still being safe about it and am not "messing up" its effectiveness.

Current mood: pensive